Category Archives: My Quiet Time

3 Words, 2011 in review

This post is inspired by a blog post by Beth Moore. We were asked to contemplate 3 words that would describe 2011, I saw the post on the 31st and thought … a lot.  I knew that 2011 was a hard year for me, both blessings and loss. I have come to realize that life is just that.  While most of my adult life I have struggled with finding peace in my past I just assumed once I found that peace the present and future would somehow be easier.  I was reminded by a counselor that nowhere in the Bible does it say I was called to an easy life. I am trying to embrace that truth … as you can imagine some days are better than others.

So my three words are:

1. GRIEF –  I was diagnosed with cancer in Feb 2011, after being admitted to the hospital and what seemed like hundreds of test, they ran one precautionary one that they assured me afterward looked fine. Then came the call and the flood of doctor appts after that said otherwise. I was extremely fortunate, one operation cleared my risk. Only a three month detour on my journey, I am still working with the taking that happened as a result and how that changes my idea of what recovery would look like.  Then as I was coming out of the hospital my brother John was going in, at 32 yrs of age his battle with Leukemia (AML) would take him home to be with the Lord.

2. FAVORED – I have been under employed in a part-time job since 2007 when my architecture internship went the way of the economy.  In the midst of doctors appoints and the craziness of those three months, God blessed me with a temp to perm job.  I had no guarantee it would go permanent; I had to step out in faith.  He blessed me with more than I was hoping for in salary, benefits and working conditions. It will allow me to finish my internship as a mental health counselor (giving away twenty hours a week over this next year) while working full-time which is only 35 hours a week at this company.  God knew what I needed, not what I was asking for.

3. PEACE – in all the loss that has happened this year, I found even in the times of my greatest grief I have never been alone. He has used the spiritual family He had given me over these past three years to love me through this. My family of origin is strained at best, there was no communication through everything that I was going through and the funeral was unbearable. I have learned to find peace in the things He has given me and to long less for the things I cannot control.  I am thankful for this recovery journey He has led me through over these past 3 years, without it this would have been the year that my anger would have been uncontainable and my religion shattered.  I finally came to a place where I knew the knowledge of my Father’s character was greater than my understanding of my circumstance.  He is waiting to bless me, and wants good in my life because of who He is. My life is still unpretty as I am working through the grieving but I am so secure in what He has called me to do and who I am in Him. I am so thankful for a relationship with Him rather than the religion that kept me in my hurts, hang ups and addictions.

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Women in the Word Wednesday – Week 2

I have enjoyed that the scripture I have seen over the last week and half works so well with the intro to the book. I could tell it was leading in that direction but I just didn’t realize there was a book out there that would articulate so well what is missing in my desire to be a parent.  I didn’t feel like the odd man out with how I felt and Sally had the courage to voice it first!

I would have to say today is my favorite passage.  Two of the version of Luke 6:40 struck a chord with me ~

A pupil is not above his teacher; but everyone, after he has been fully trained, will be like his teacher.  (NASB)

An apprentice doesn’t lecture the master. The point is to be careful who you follow as your teacher. (The Message)

For myself, I just liked the way these two translations used different language to convey the same idea.  It reminds me to take seriously my calling as a mother, I  would be so delighted to see Jasmyn with a desire to do God’s work at a younger age than I was.

The over all idea that impressed me this week between the scriptures and the readings, is that there is a trainable truth that can be given to my daughter.  In this season that is my primary mission.  I spent so many years wondering and questioning why something was the truth.  I was raised that truth was what my parents said and it may or may not had Biblical roots. But the Bible was not where answers were searched for.  I just saw it as two people’s opinions and rules being forced on me.

This wandering led me places I shouldn’t have been and in the process of staying there I became a single parent.  This study, just in the intro has reminded me why I usually don’t do these studies.  Motherhood is so intertwined in marriage, as it should be.  It reminds me of my failures, and where I was when I started this journey.  I love that I could share that with my GMG group and they were very encouraging and supportive.

This song came to my mind as I was thinking through this and I just love that where I have been has been covered by the cross.

O He died, He died to rectify my hopeless situation
And His blood commands my guilt to leave
Now on Calvary I stand
Empty pockets, open hands
O there is no condemnation for me
~ Forgiven & Loved Lyrics ( Jimmy Needham)

Which I know is grounded in truth because:

”There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”-Romans 8:1-2

I love that writing scripture into songs has a long history in my faith.

This study was put on my heart because I want more for my daughter. In order to help her into the women I know she was created to be, I have to look at what is Biblical truth and work out where I failed, to show her how to follow Christ better.

I love that Sally addressed the reasons I have taken so many parenting classes and countless books over the years.  She described a commitment to the mission field of motherhood that I thirst for. I am looking forward to the scripture and the life lessons she is going to share through her book.

Good Morning Girls


This is a new adventure for me, I like that is not something I have to travel to do.  It can be done in my jammies and I work it into my day.  I also love that the group is diverse, and they are really interesting ladies!  I have wanted to get up and participate in the group.

So my favorite scripture so far this week:

That precious memory triggers another: your honest faith—and what a rich faith it is, handed down from your grandmother Lois to your mother Eunice, and now to you!  2 Timothy 1:5 (The Message)

I usually try to look at several version of  a passage  I am working through it.  I settled on the message version because it stated that the faith was handed down ~ I liked the mental image I received from that.  As I was meditating on it another passage came to mind:

You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me. Genesis 20:5

I was reminded of the generational curses, the things that are passed on to my child through my habits.  This topic is explored in recovery ministries a lot, as so many of the coping mechanisms that I have used were taught to me by my parents.  It also reminds me of the faithfulness of God; not in the bad stuff but the good things as well.  My Father is one who wants to bless me, He is waiting to give me the life He has designed for me.  Changing generational habits/hang ups changes the generation that comes after, as my daughter sees me leaning into God in the rough times she learns of God faithfulness and has a tangible example of how God is a living God that works today and not only through history in the Bible.  This gives her a personal experience to draw on in her times of need. I love that she and I get to walk this out together, and that she sees that a relationship with God is much better than the rituals of a religion.

I was reminded this morning that I need to be specific in showing my daughter God’s hand in providing for the needs and answering the prayers, rather than keeping that as my personal treasure.  This will help her build her faith as well.

Yesterday when I was dropping her off at school I heard something that reinforced what I have learned this week.  The radio station I listen to is in the middle of a gift card drive for a town in Alabama and this is what a pastor emailed to one of the hosts. ” I used to believe in coincidences until I realized that when I prayed I saw more coincidences.”  It just reminded me of whom I need to be giving the glory and how easily left to another’s interpretation God faithfulness can be explained away.

Stuck on a loop

So this is where I am still … this song has come on the radio a few times when I have been driving.  Since I haven’t been driving that much I am going to go out on a limb and say there is a reason this seems to be on a loop in my life …

No Matter What ~ Kerrie Roberts

I’m running back to Your promises one more time
Lord that’s all I can hold on to
I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises You
Before a heartache can ever touch my life
It has to go through Your hands
And even though I keep asking why, I keep asking why

No matter what, I’m gonna love You
No matter what I’m gonna need You
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, if not, I’ll trust You no matter what, no matter what

When I’m stuck in this nothingness by myself
I’m just sitting in silence
There’s no way I can make it without Your help, I won’t even try it
I know You have Your reasons for everything so I will keep believing
Whatever I might be feeling, God You are my hope
And You will be my strength

Anything I don’t have You can give it to me, but it’s OK if You don’t
I’m not here for those things
The touch of Your love is enough on its own
No matter what I still love You and I’m gonna need You

No matter what I’m gonna love You, no matter what I’m gonna need You
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, if not, I’ll trust You
I know You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, but if not, I’ll trust You

No matter what
No matter no matter what
No matter no matter what
No matter no matter what

I was trying to figure which part struck me most and realized it is all relevant …