Category Archives: Living Proof

3 Words, 2011 in review

This post is inspired by a blog post by Beth Moore. We were asked to contemplate 3 words that would describe 2011, I saw the post on the 31st and thought … a lot.  I knew that 2011 was a hard year for me, both blessings and loss. I have come to realize that life is just that.  While most of my adult life I have struggled with finding peace in my past I just assumed once I found that peace the present and future would somehow be easier.  I was reminded by a counselor that nowhere in the Bible does it say I was called to an easy life. I am trying to embrace that truth … as you can imagine some days are better than others.

So my three words are:

1. GRIEF –  I was diagnosed with cancer in Feb 2011, after being admitted to the hospital and what seemed like hundreds of test, they ran one precautionary one that they assured me afterward looked fine. Then came the call and the flood of doctor appts after that said otherwise. I was extremely fortunate, one operation cleared my risk. Only a three month detour on my journey, I am still working with the taking that happened as a result and how that changes my idea of what recovery would look like.  Then as I was coming out of the hospital my brother John was going in, at 32 yrs of age his battle with Leukemia (AML) would take him home to be with the Lord.

2. FAVORED – I have been under employed in a part-time job since 2007 when my architecture internship went the way of the economy.  In the midst of doctors appoints and the craziness of those three months, God blessed me with a temp to perm job.  I had no guarantee it would go permanent; I had to step out in faith.  He blessed me with more than I was hoping for in salary, benefits and working conditions. It will allow me to finish my internship as a mental health counselor (giving away twenty hours a week over this next year) while working full-time which is only 35 hours a week at this company.  God knew what I needed, not what I was asking for.

3. PEACE – in all the loss that has happened this year, I found even in the times of my greatest grief I have never been alone. He has used the spiritual family He had given me over these past three years to love me through this. My family of origin is strained at best, there was no communication through everything that I was going through and the funeral was unbearable. I have learned to find peace in the things He has given me and to long less for the things I cannot control.  I am thankful for this recovery journey He has led me through over these past 3 years, without it this would have been the year that my anger would have been uncontainable and my religion shattered.  I finally came to a place where I knew the knowledge of my Father’s character was greater than my understanding of my circumstance.  He is waiting to bless me, and wants good in my life because of who He is. My life is still unpretty as I am working through the grieving but I am so secure in what He has called me to do and who I am in Him. I am so thankful for a relationship with Him rather than the religion that kept me in my hurts, hang ups and addictions.

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SSMT Memory Verse 12

Siesta Sister Memory Team; it is that time again.  To see what my Siestas are memorizing this last half  of the month click above.

I must say I am sooooo excited about a new aspect of this …. YES it does have to do with viewing on my SMARTPHONE!!!!  I love my EVO baby!!!  No forgetting that sexy little book at home (see image above ~ yes it is cute).  If you are a tech loving girl like me … follow your link and download for your smartphone too.  I am hoping it is a better motivator!

This is one of those times when I like another translation of this verse better …

7 “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Tim 1:7

I love the verbiage of “spirit of fear”; that is a better description of where I stumble.  In my fear, it is not a timid ~ it is usually paralyzing!

timidity – adjective, -er, -est.
1. lacking in self-assurance, courage, or bravery; easily alarmed; timorous; shy.
2. characterized by or indicating fear:  a timid approach to a problem.

For me this adjective is a descriptor of something else.  It just doesn’t seem to emphasize how much I have lacked the faith in my Father.

fear – noun
1. a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
2. a specific instance of or propensity for such a feeling: an abnormal fear of heights.
3. concern or anxiety; solicitude: a fear for someone’s safety.
4. reverential awe, especially toward God.
5. that which causes a feeling of being afraid; that of which a person is afraid: Cancer is a common fear.
For me, my fear is a mental place I go to when I am leaning on myself to work out the problems of my life.  I can appreciate the real or imagined part, when I only consult me and I dwell on the possible outcomes I lose my peace.  I am so busying getting into damage control mode, I don’t let God work through me, in me or around me.  I do see ME as the problem.  I realize I want to prepare myself for all possible out comes so I can have my best game face on when I am disappointed.
This current season is teaching me to let the future take care of itself, to do all I can and know God is working things out for His purpose in His time.
34 “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Mat 6:34 (NIV84)
I do love the promise of what God does give me; power, love & sound mind.  In the moments when I surrender to my fear it can feel crazy and out of control.  I love knowing that when I am where God intends me to be I am not crazy, maybe temporarily out of control.  Life looks messy now, and it will for sometime but there is a peace that exists under the most trying circumstances lately.

SSMT 2011 v15

Siesta Scripture Memory Team 2011!!!

I joined this as motivation for learning we will see how it ends at the end of the year.  I am to have 24 verses memorized by the end of December!!

I submit my verse on the 1st & 15th of every month, was a little late on the months I was working through my health issues, I get a pass.  😉

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
Psalm 139:23-24

This is where the rest of Siesta Sisters can be found

I picked out all my verses for the year already, it has been a collection of verses that have spoken to my heart for years. I never thought I had the time to commit them to memory.  The Holy Spirit always knows which verses to bring to my heart at the right time.  Which is why I have tried to do this as much as possible, by the end of the year I will have the 24 four done!!!  Hopefully a new habit as well.

I love this verse, I have prayed this verse.  Not always happy with what God shows me.  This year has brought many anxious thoughts, cancer (mine and my brothers), job loss and grieving.  I am not over the grieving it is a process.