Monthly Archives: January 2012
This post is inspired by a blog post by Beth Moore. We were asked to contemplate 3 words that would describe 2011, I saw the post on the 31st and thought … a lot. I knew that 2011 was a hard year for me, both blessings and loss. I have come to realize that life is just that. While most of my adult life I have struggled with finding peace in my past I just assumed once I found that peace the present and future would somehow be easier. I was reminded by a counselor that nowhere in the Bible does it say I was called to an easy life. I am trying to embrace that truth … as you can imagine some days are better than others.
So my three words are:
1. GRIEF – I was diagnosed with cancer in Feb 2011, after being admitted to the hospital and what seemed like hundreds of test, they ran one precautionary one that they assured me afterward looked fine. Then came the call and the flood of doctor appts after that said otherwise. I was extremely fortunate, one operation cleared my risk. Only a three month detour on my journey, I am still working with the taking that happened as a result and how that changes my idea of what recovery would look like. Then as I was coming out of the hospital my brother John was going in, at 32 yrs of age his battle with Leukemia (AML) would take him home to be with the Lord.
2. FAVORED – I have been under employed in a part-time job since 2007 when my architecture internship went the way of the economy. In the midst of doctors appoints and the craziness of those three months, God blessed me with a temp to perm job. I had no guarantee it would go permanent; I had to step out in faith. He blessed me with more than I was hoping for in salary, benefits and working conditions. It will allow me to finish my internship as a mental health counselor (giving away twenty hours a week over this next year) while working full-time which is only 35 hours a week at this company. God knew what I needed, not what I was asking for.
3. PEACE – in all the loss that has happened this year, I found even in the times of my greatest grief I have never been alone. He has used the spiritual family He had given me over these past three years to love me through this. My family of origin is strained at best, there was no communication through everything that I was going through and the funeral was unbearable. I have learned to find peace in the things He has given me and to long less for the things I cannot control. I am thankful for this recovery journey He has led me through over these past 3 years, without it this would have been the year that my anger would have been uncontainable and my religion shattered. I finally came to a place where I knew the knowledge of my Father’s character was greater than my understanding of my circumstance. He is waiting to bless me, and wants good in my life because of who He is. My life is still unpretty as I am working through the grieving but I am so secure in what He has called me to do and who I am in Him. I am so thankful for a relationship with Him rather than the religion that kept me in my hurts, hang ups and addictions.